As a member of the group called Bone Songs Myth and Magic, a group of gifted Pagan practitioners offer their experiences and guidance in their field of expertise. This past month our theme was Focus.  I wanted to share my contribution to this group with my blog audience and offer you the opportunity to find us and join us for our journey into learning more about ourselves and how we interact with the magical realm.

Here's my offering for February's theme called Self Love. I hope you enjoy.

Love Yourself First

Happy February! It is that time of the year when our focus switches to LOVE!  But why is that? What makes February the month of love?  Well, in AD 496 Pope Gelasius I established the Feast of Saint Valentine on February 14th. Later in the 14th Century, February became associated with romantic love. Over the years lovers would exchange love notes (referred to as valentines), candy and sometimes keys as symbols of their affection. While loving others is certainly something that is extremely important, I’d like to talk about something that often goes unmentioned in this lovefest.  Self-love.

Self love is defined as having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Taking care of yourself and not allowing anyone else to detract from that.  Even if that person is you. Self-love is not allowing others to treat you in a way that lessens your worth. Holding yourself in a circle of love and honor where you require that all who enter, treat you with respect and care. 

From my experiences in life, I can tell you that often I was told that I needed to sacrifice myself, my dreams, my wants or desires to be sure that those under my care came first. My college classes set aside, my choice of movie or even what pizza to get was determined by others in my life. I could just “pick off” what I didn’t like and deal with what I was given. Many of you may be in a similar circumstance right now. I allowed others to dictate what I would allow in my life and in turn ended up being negative to myself. Self loathing and self abuse were commonplace in my life. 

I finally came to terms with what I wanted in my life and how I wanted to be treated. I had to stop looking outside for things to make me happy and work on what I already had within me. All the tools I needed for happiness were right here and right now. I had to simply stop looking into tomorrow or crying about the past and focus on what I had right now. What did I need to be happy? What did I need to feel loved? I needed to let go of the things that were making me unhappy, and quite often, the thing making me unhappy was me. 

I started mindfully doing things. I would mindfully practice my faith. Mindfully do my chores and mindfully practice self-love. These things helped me move from a position of martyr to champion. Today I do not sacrifice myself at the expense of unhappiness simply to please another. I’m sure you’re thinking, but how do I do this? What is something real and tangible that I can do today to practice self-love?

“The whole cosmos has come together to create you. You carry the whole cosmos inside you. That is why, to accept yourself and to love yourself is an expression of gratitude.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

Well, start small. Take a moment to appreciate things that you enjoy. You don’t need to paint the Mona Lisa, but you do need to paint; if it brings you joy.  You don’t need to be the next Marlon Brando, but if you love it.. ACT! So many times we just don’t try to do the things we enjoy because we can’t monetize it, or we can’t do it professionally. Look around your life and think about those things that bring you joy and DO THEM. Make some jewelry, draw a picture, play an instrument. Do things that make you happy and soon you’ll begin to see that all long within you is all you need for happiness. Be kind to yourself, take a long leisurely bath, or go for a run. Do these things that make you truly happy and you’ll see a change.

We have to look within ourselves and be sure that we are the best we can be before we can begin to take care of others.  Think about it this way, if we have a jug of water, and we use this jug to fill the cups of those who need water, pretty soon our jug will be empty. The same applies to love.  If we do not take the time to care for ourselves and nourish our energy soon we will have nothing left to give to anyone else.

“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?” - Rupaul

I have often heard that self-love is selfish. I believe this could not be further from the truth. To me, Self-love is caring while selfishness is manipulative. Self-care is looking for wellbeing and sharing and selfishness is taking something from someone else. To love yourself is not selfish, it is self esteem. It is putting your health and wellbeing in the forefront allowing you the energy and the strength to move forward in your care of others.

The World Health Organization defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider”.  We have within us the power to heal the world. We just need to start with ourselves. So I recommend, for this Valentine’s Day, take yourself on a date.  Give yourself a valentine. Don’t criticize or say hurtful things to yourself. Love yourself first!

PS  - Don’t pick off the toppings you don’t like.  Order your own pizza!  

Namaste

Sosanna

Rev. Renee Sosanna Olson - CSM, PMI-ACP

Ordained Spiritual Counselor

Certified Holistic Wellness Coach

International Yogi Certification

Certified Crystal Master & Aroma Therapy Practitioner

Resources:

History of Saint Valentine’s Day - https://www.nowbali.co.id/february-is-the-month-of-love-or-is-it/

Saint Valentine’s Day  - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day

Self-Love and What It Means - https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means

Self Care Strategies - https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729

Videos:

Self Compassion - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq8MePQ_uUk

How do I love Myself - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMoRtJhVoxc

Learning to love Myself - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK9g6xAeR48

Exercises:

Journaling Entries - Use Valentine’s Day to write a “love note” to yourself. Complement yourself on what you do well or what you have accomplished this year. 

Do What you enjoy - Take yourself out to dinner or treat yourself to a meal you prepared at home. Make something special that you love and makes you feel good. Go for a walk, or spend some time outside in the fresh air. Living a healthy lifestyle will not only make your body feel better but it will help your mind grow and become more mindful.

Everyday Valentines - Grab a stack of sticky notes and jot down things on them that are positive and make you feel good. Stick those notes all over the house. One on the bathroom mirror. One on the inside of a cabinet door. When you see them, read them out loud. I have notes around my house that tell me I’m beautiful, that I’m happy and that I’m a good person. Read them out loud every time you see them. This is self-love.

This has been a pretty crazy week for me.  As many of you know over the weekend not only did I break my toe (yeah I’m still going on about that) but I also had my grandmother’s 97th birthday, which I couldn’t go to and I hosted my first event at my house for Golden Phoenix Society.

The toe – yeah it’s fine, well not so much, it’s black and blue and hurts like crazy.

The party – she had a good birthday, I’m sorry I missed it.  I did take her flowers on Monday and spent some time with her.  I just thought it best to avoid any ‘drama’ with my ‘other family’ so I chose not to go.

My first GPS celebration - Great. I was nervous.  It went well though, I took a few pictures.  We had a bonfire and the next morning hubby found this:



This is a picture of the file pile, notice the one red carnation unburned.  I found it very interesting as this exact flower had been taken from the bouquet and singled out as being for Hecate, the deity I follow.  There was a roaring flame, so I can't image how it survived.  I've hung it to dry now and will put it on my altar.

The next day was Chick fil A day, and needless to say it was a mess.  There were people posting on Facebook and sharing pictures from the happy heterosexuals running around clogging their arteries with 400+ calorie sandwiches and a side of hate.  Along with lots of posts around what's actually being done with Chick fil a money.


On two different occasions over the past 2 weeks I have said the following statement:

I do not want to stop you from believing what you want.  Just as I don’t want you to try to stop me from believing what I want.  I want to live, worship and raise my family as I see fit, and you can do the same.  I do not believe in your God.  You do not believe in my Goddess.  I’m ok with that.  Why can’t you be ok with that?

On both occasions the “Christians” in question blocked me.  This leads me directly (or perhaps not so directly) to my post for the Pagan Blog Project 2012.


P is for Peace
peace noun \ˈpēs\

Definition of PEACE
1: a state of tranquillity or quiet: as
    a : freedom from civil disturbance
    b : a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom <a breach of the peace>
2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3: harmony in personal relations
4a : a state or period of mutual concord between governments
  b : a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity
5—used interjectionally to ask for silence or calm or as a greeting or farewell

I’d really like to understand why, (and I’m going to use generalizations here, so please don’t be take it personally) Religions can't coexist.

Christians believe one way, Jewish people another, Muslim another and so on.  Why fight each other.  I mean really no one can prove their side is right without the “end of the world” in each of their minds, so why not sit back get your worship on and leave each other alone.  In the end, when your side wins, jump up and chant Nanny Nanny Boo Boo and be done with it.

We have so much more important things to deal with than whose God is the best.  Our oceans are being destroyed, our ground water polluted our food being turned into a chemical cocktail that’s making one in eighty eight kids born Autistic.

Look around, we are a strong species.  We’ve gone into space.  We can operate on ourselves and repair the tiniest nerve or the biggest muscles.  We can create life in a dish.  We are able to do so many great things yet we sit back, pull out our guns and knives and decide that we need to fight over whose has the biggest God.

Really?

When I was a little kid I remember the fighting and abuse in my home.  I remember the turmoil and the confusion I felt and the ultimate sadness that was my existence.  Then one year a little commercial came on TV and when I saw it, it made me feel “peace”.  Later I found that it wasn’t just a Coke commercial that it was an actual single. I’d like to share it with you now.



I would sit and plug my ears, rock back and forth and sing this song over and over in my head.  Trying to find that place where that group of people lived.  I wanted to be in that house furnished with love.

Even now as I sit here, I can’t help but think this is exactly what I’d love to have.  Tears in my eyes prove that no matter how many times I’m called a Christian basher, or a sinner; I know that deep in my heart my goal is to indeed, teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

So this week’s post for the letter P, and my P is for Peace.



Namaste & Blessed Be
Sosanna
)O(

So I sit here with my tea the day after the full moon.  I spent my evening rehashing and rehashing those things in my past.  Those horrible days as child when I lived at home.  I thought about how I would treat a stranger if their mother was sick.

I thought about what my own beliefs say about this whole thing.  Do I go to the hospital even though I have no emotion for the person there?  Do I pretend to be concerned when they explain the medical situation.  When in all reality all I'm really doing is sitting here remembering how she didn't protect me.  I've been told that simply the fact that I'm thinking about this says I have unresolved issues.  However, I'd like to point out that I didn't visit her when she was a mile down the road.  There is no love there.  At what point does one's "duty" to show up again because they're the oldest, become a burden that shouldn't be shouldered any longer?

I remember years back when my step-father died, my nightmares about him stopped.  Then when my bio-father died, after getting the photo from the coroner, those stopped.  Last night I tossed and turned, reliving in dream that awful things she's said and done.  Maybe death is the only way to really REALLY stop them.

Today is Tuesday, day after the full moon; day after my commitment to my matron.  Maybe it's fitting that these questions were presented now.

Incense fills the room, my candles flicker.  I have my chants on repeat.  Looking forwards to a better day.

Namaste & Blessed Be

Sosanna
)O(