This week for the Pagan Blog Project 2012 our letter is L.  I thought long and hard about what I wanted to write about.  Lapis Lazuli came to mind.   After all it is treasured to Hecate.  I thought about Witch’s Ladder, Lancaster Witches, Marie Laveau and even the Law of Three.

None of these really spoke to the mood I’m in today.  This week I had a very very tough week.  The remaining sister I grew up with showed a side that I hadn’t thought was there.  I mean knew she was pretty much self-centered and uncaring.  I knew that she had tons of unresolved issues from our upbringing that haunted her.  Unlike me, she has not addressed those issues and attended the massive amount of counseling sessions that I have attended.  Perhaps it is as she says, she doesn’t need them, but that is not my perception.

In any event, the knock down drag out occurred and over the last 24 hours I’ve been left feeling hollow and empty.  I felt a tremendous sense of loss.  It was almost as though I found out a friend had passed away.  My husband looked at me and told me I had a sadness on my face and in my eyes he had never seen before. I've seen this look before in my eyes....

I believe the laughter had gone from my eyes.  I am a very happy go lucky person.  I care for others around me no matter who they are.  I do not wish for anyone to hurt ever.  I’m against capital punishment and against corporal punishment.

I believe that to really live, you must laugh.  You must have a happiness that makes you wake each day and drives you to keep up the fight.  For a moment, that laughter was extinguished from my eyes.  I felt completely and totally distraught.  The sadness ran from my consciousness to ever single molecule of my being.  It was indeed dire.

One of the most amazing things about being a bipolar person is that, while I’m in it, the depression is paralyzing, I can’t move, I can’t breathe.  However, I rapid cycle, so it passes.  And passed it has!

Today the laughter is back in my eyes.  I have decided that I do not need to have drama and tragedy in my life.  I can and will take every day as a new happy glorious day.  I will not be put down, cursed at, and bullied into doing things that I do not wish to do. 

One of the most amazing things I’ve ever read is the five principles of Reiki.

Just for today, I will not be angry

Just for today, I will not worry

Just for today, I will be grateful

Just for today, I will do my work honestly

Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing

I would only add, Just for today, I will laugh.

Namaste & Blessed Be

Sosanna

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