Confessions of a Modern Witch: bullying

Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts

Start Where You Are - A Giveaway

August 12, 2015

Over the last few days I've been blogging about this book, "Start Where You Are, a Journal for Self-Exploration."

A giveaway for this book will begin now run for a week. The winner will be shipped a free copy of this book by the publisher. (Blogger, Facebook & Twitter do not endorse this contest) One winner will be chosen at random via the rafflecopter tool. The winner will be notified via email. The winner will provide their shipping address for delivery.

Click here to enter the content beginning August 6th.

One thing my journey thought self exploration has taught me, is that no matter what you do in life there will be those who are going to run you down. Accepting that is one of the hardest this I've ever had to do.

An example would be my weight. I probably well about 200 lbs and wear a size 16-20 depending on the maker of the clothes. A few years ago I decided that I really needed to lose weight. I went vegetarian and exercised 45 minutes every morning at the local gym and walked in the evening. I even RAN. I got down to a size 8 in off the rack Levi Jeans. Because my max weight has been 400 lbs, I have a lot of loose and saggy skin. The less fat under that skin the more saggy I became. I had floppy breasts and a flat butt. I didn't "feel" sexy. But everyone always said, oh you look so good. You're so fit. I bet you're so happy now. And I wasn't. I hated myself. I was spending 2-3 hours a day on something that was making me unhappy.

Hubby got me a DNA test kit for my birthday. As I uploaded my DNA to several sites to see where I came from, what kind of diseases I was prone to, I stumbled across a very interesting piece of information. People with my DNA have to exercise 90% harder and 90% more often to get 50% of the results as someone without my DNA. This is why all the people in my family were larger. Our DNA made us larger.

I decided one day that I didn't want to spend 2-3 hours working out. I would rather spend that time with my hubby. I would rather read a book, or make jewelry. So that's what I did. Yes, I weight more, and people judge me. They look at what I used to look like and what I look like now and asked me things like, "Why are you fat now?" "What happened?" "Did you get lazy?"

Yes, I am fat now, What happened was I opened my eyes and realized that fitting into a size pants only matters if it matters to you. Did I get lazy? Well, people who know me, know my schedule and what I do, I think they know the answer for that. Take a moment and decide what is right for you. If fitting in the lowest size you can is what you need to do, go for it. Just give other people the same courtesy.

Pagan Blog Project 2013 - W is for Will

November 8, 2013

Merriam Webster defines will as follows:

Will – Desire, wish

Many pagans, not just those who follow the Wicca traditions follow the Wiccan Rede. The last eight words of the rede are: “An it harm none, do what ye will”, from Doreen Valiente – 1964.

So what I take from this is that this means, as long as we don’t hurt others, we can do as we desire. Our will is our desire. Immediately from this, I think of bullying and shaming. I've written pieces in the past on both topics. Just a few weeks ago in my V is for Views, I talked about this very thing.

Many people today seem to think if you disagree with their stance on something or have an opinion on something then you are bullying them. They think that if you say I don’t like x, then anyone who does like x or who is x, is being shamed.

A bully is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimated others who are weaker. To bully someone means to use strength or influence to intimidate someone, usually forcing them to do what they want. Being unkind in itself is not bullying. (article linked)

Shame is an emotion usually related to guilt. Shaming is force someone by making them feel ashamed. Disagreement or criticism is not shaming. (article linked)

As a victim of child sexual abuse, incest, physical and mental abuse as a child, as well as a rape survivor, I can honestly tell you what shame feels like. As a person who is plus sized, I can tell you what it feels like to be shamed into not going into the gym every day. I can tell you how it feels to have my very will, my desires crushed by others. I can tell you how it feels to have my assistance turned down because I wear a pentacle. I can tell you how it feels to have mothers grab their children’s hands and pull me out of my vending tent because they believe that being pagan equates to being evil.

I can also say that I have been around many people in all these same environments and not been hurt. And if those people are in those environments or participate in them, it doesn't add to my shame. My feelings are my own. No one owns those feelings.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

While others can attempt to bully me, they are not bullying me if I do not give in and give them what they want. While others can attempt to shame me, they cannot shame me. They can try. But I have to be secure in who I am. As a woman, as a mother, as a wife and as a pagan.

What I’m saying here is that we as individuals need stop being so quick to jump on the new bully/shame bandwagon. Not ever disagreement is bullying, not every opinion is an attack.

Let me give you an example.

By User:Rockpocket (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I do not like back hair. It grosses me out. I don’t like it. Period. It is not attractive and I don’t want to see it. And that’s OK, because some people do like it. Some want to see it. Some want to run their fingers through it, play with it and caress it. And that’s OK too.

Now quickly before the comments come rolling in about “How can I say this?” “What about the KKK?” “What about hate groups?” “Don’t they have a right?”

Well yeah, actually they do. They have a right to hate you for any reason, or for no reason. They have a right to be just as ugly as they want to be.

They have a right to not like you. (Did you hear me?)

Yeah, that’s right. Christians have a right not to like gay people. Races have the right to be separate from each other if they choose. It’s their right. It is their “Will”.

That being said, keep in mind, one’s rights end where another’s begin. That means that the most racist hateful person on the planet has the right to yell to high heaven their horrible beliefs, I have the right to rebut them. I have the right to join the discussion and give my point of view. I have the right to say what I need to say, just as they do. I also have the intelligence to understand that some fights cannot be won, and I can agree to disagree.

Our will, our desire is our own. I am not Wiccan. However I do believe in the rule of three, and I do believe what you send out comes back to you times three. I believe that if you send out positive and if you do your own desire and harm none, you will receive that back to you.

Blessings

Sosanna

)O(

Pagan Blog Project 2013 - U is for Understanding

October 18, 2013

Merriam-Webster.com defines understanding as: “the power of comprehending; especially: the capacity to apprehend general relations of the particulars”

Earlier this week I participated in a discussion around a Yahoo! Article about Maria Kang. For those that don’t know, Ms. Kang is a 32 year old mother of three in California who came under fire for a photo of herself in her work out gear with her three kids, all under the age of 3 and a six pack. Not a six pack of beer, six pack abs. In bold type over the photo was the phrase, “What’s Your Excuse?”

I watched as friends battled one another about thin shaming and fat shaming. I watched as reasons like, medical disorders and money were tossed out as to why Ms. Kang was able to have this fit of a body, while other mothers were still hanging on to the body fat.

With bullying, eating disorders and social media at an all-time high, I can completely understand why people are scared. As a fat kid who was teased, not only by strangers but by my own family. I understand why people are so divided on this topic. I say kid, but hell, I was standing at my grandmother’s hospital bed when one of my aunts completely bullied me about putting weight back on. Not years ago, months.

I watched the battle rage on and in my truly helpful nature thought, “What can I do?” How can I help these two sides understand?

What we as a society need to do is just learn one word. That word is understanding. We as pagans, we as women, we as fat kids, we as abuse survivors. WE ALL, need to learn understanding. Now, I’m not referring to understanding how or why someone else feels a certain way.

As pagans, we do not have to understand why a non-pagan believes what they believe. We as women, do not have to understand why men believe what they believe. We as fat people, do not need to understand why thin people believe what they believe. We just have to understand that they do.

To be clear, you don’t need to understand why I hate sweating. You don’t have to understand why I prefer to spend that extra hour a day in the craft room with hubby making a witch hat prototype instead of jogging, or going to gym. You do NOT need to understand why. You just have to understand that I do.

Just as I understand that Christians choose to follow Christ, I hope that they will understand that I choose to follow Hecate. I understand that Ms. Kang wants to be in shape, and she may even really want to help those that also want to get in shape do so. I also understand that there are people who physically cannot, or who choose not to spend their time in the gym. Just as I won’t judge the Christians, or Ms. Kang; I’m certainly not going to judge those who are not in that same body shape.

I believe we need to stop making assumptions about each other. Stop looking for a way to twist a sentence or turn a quote around to make it mean something more than what it really means. Learn to understand that we are all very very different people. We are all very important in what we offer to this world. We need to become more understanding.

When I look out my window I see my feral cat colony, I see my hens pecking the ground. I see my grape vines and my black walnut tree. I don’t need to understand how each individual one goes on its daily life. I don’t need to understand why the tree leans to the east and not to the west. I don’t need to understand the intricacies of botany or animal husbandry. I can gaze out my window and understand that each one of these things is precious. From the snake to the fly. From the weed to the fruit, each one of these things contributes to the ecosystem.

As a human being, I can look at others in the world and understand, that each one is special. Each life force is individual. I can understand, that in order for us to live up to what we see ourselves inside to be, comes from understanding that there is no one out there quite like us. If we want to be understood, we need understanding.

Blessings

Sosanna

)O(

Helpful Links

Maria on Facebook

Maria on the Web

Protect Your Teen from Eating Disorders

No Name Calling

Stop Bullying

Teen Pagans & Bullying

Tess Muster – Plus Model

The Militant Baker

Spirit Day

October 17, 2013

Over the last few years, we've seen a rise in kids committing suicide from being bullied. As adults, it's up to us to stop bullying when we see it.

GLAAD is asking that we turn our profiles on social media and our shirts purple for Spirit Day, a day that is designed to show support for LGBT kids and show them that there are people out there that care about them.

Take a moment to follow the link to turn your profile purple to take a stand against bullying.

Blessings
Sosanna

New Moon Rites

February 21, 2012

Today a group of us are setting aside part of our new moon rites to offer support for the friends and family of those involved in bullying. We've created a Facebook Event for it here.

As many of you when I was a kid I experienced bullying. I was picked on and shunned by others. I was singled out and taunted for things that no child should even know about let alone tease others because of. It was considered something that happens. Just put on your big girl pants and move on. Well, sometimes that doesn't happen.

Sometimes kids are so bullied that they believe their is no other way out of the situation and they believe, it will never EVER get better. Over the last few years I've been working with groups to help get the message out. In my opinion one of the most moving pieces of this fight is the "Let's Get Better Project".

I want to use this time we've set aside to not only sending out protection for those currently being attacked, but also send out some healing energy for those that are the aggressors. Remember bullying comes from a position of possible self hatred. These kids that are attacking are themselves victims.

I'd like to see us pull together and create a web of positive energy across the globe in order to protect, defend and love these families.

Heather has created a spell that you're welcome to use for your ritual. Please feel free to use this or create your own as it fits best in your new moon rituals. I'd love to hear about your rituals, or see your altar if you create something special for this event. You can post here in comments or on the Facebook Event page.

Sending light, love and protection to those who need.

Namasta & Blessed Be
Sosanna

Bullying Resources
StopBullying.gov
National Bullying Prevention Center
GLSEN

20/20 - Being Bullied To Death

Bullying

February 9, 2012

As I sat here over the last few days, full of worry about how I'm going to get all these things I need to get done completed, I became completely and utterly involved with my own problems. I began to feel sorry for myself and think how could I ever get out of all this work that lay ahead.

What would I be able to do, how could I survive?? I actually began to feel completely negative. I spent the full moon working and more working. The evening of course was spent in ritual. It was the first drawing down that I've done since the dedication ceremony. I felt completely filled with the energy of the Goddess.

I felt the warm energy surround my body and embrace me. I felt safe and happy. I felt at ease and calm as the warm waters from the ritual bath I took just before the ceremony. My skin scented lightly with patchouli and myrrh. I was at peace.

The next morning I got a message from a dear friend on Facebook. We've worked together on several pagan action's including the recent Hail Columbia project. Heather approached me with an idea for an anti-bullying ritual for those children that are being attack in our nation's schools. Working feverishly over the next few nights she put together this wonderful idea of holding a group circle over our network and joining together to send out a prayer of protection for these children.

I thought about her proposition and immediately could identify how my Goddess Hekate would certainly move to the foreground to protect children. I've read where Hekate teaches justice and fairness, especially of those who are different. I will spend the new moon this month sending out the light from my Goddess into the lives of these children, hoping to show them the path to happiness. The path to fulfillment and the path to justice.

I would love to be able to include my followers here and those that you can reach out to with your connections and create a web of inclusions, perhaps even a web of protection around these children. If you can please join us on our Facebook event, or privately add us to your new moon rituals.

I'm including Heather's poem and spell below. You can find them on our Facebook Event as well.