Merriam Webster defines will as follows:

                Will – Desire, wish

Many pagans, not just those who follow the Wicca traditions follow the Wiccan Rede.  The last eight words of the rede are:  “An it harm none, do what ye will”, from Doreen Valiente – 1964. 

So what I take from this is that this means, as long as we don’t hurt others, we can do as we desire.  Our will is our desire.  Immediately from this, I think of bullying and shaming.  I've written pieces in the past on both topics.  Just a few weeks ago in my V is for Views, I talked about this very thing.

Many people today seem to think if you disagree with their stance on something or have an opinion on something then you are bullying them.  They think that if you say I don’t like x, then anyone who does like x or who is x, is being shamed.

A bully is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimated others who are weaker.  To bully someone means to use strength or influence to intimidate someone, usually forcing them to do what they want. Being unkind in itself is not bullying. (article linked)

Shame is an emotion usually related to guilt. Shaming is force someone by making them feel ashamed. Disagreement or criticism is not shaming. (article linked)

As a victim of child sexual abuse, incest, physical and mental abuse as a child, as well as a rape survivor, I can honestly tell you what shame feels like.  As a person who is plus sized, I can tell you what it feels like to be shamed into not going into the gym every day.  I can tell you how it feels to have my very will, my desires crushed by others.  I can tell you how it feels to have my assistance turned down because I wear a pentacle.  I can tell you how it feels to have mothers grab their children’s hands and pull me out of my vending tent because they believe that being pagan equates to being evil.

I can also say that I have been around many people in all these same environments and not been hurt.  And if those people are in those environments or participate in them, it doesn't add to my shame.  My feelings are my own.  No one owns those feelings.

 “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

While others can attempt to bully me, they are not bullying me if I do not give in and give them what they want.  While others can attempt to shame me, they cannot shame me.  They can try.  But I have to be secure in who I am.  As a woman, as a mother, as a wife and as a pagan. 

What I’m saying here is that we as individuals need stop being so quick to jump on the new bully/shame bandwagon.  Not ever disagreement is bullying, not every opinion is an attack. 

Let me give you an example.

By User:Rockpocket (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I do not like back hair.  It grosses me out.  I don’t like it.  Period.  It is not attractive and I don’t want to see it.  And that’s OK, because some people do like it.  Some want to see it.  Some want to run their fingers through it, play with it and caress it.  And that’s OK too. 

Now quickly before the comments come rolling in about “How can I say this?”  “What about the KKK?”  “What about hate groups?” “Don’t they have a right?”

Well yeah, actually they do.   They have a right to hate you for any reason, or for no reason.  They have a right to be just as ugly as they want to be.

They have a right to not like you.  (Did you hear me?) 

Yeah, that’s right.  Christians have a right not to like gay people.  Races have the right to be separate from each other if they choose.  It’s their right.  It is their “Will”.

That being said, keep in mind, one’s rights end where another’s begin.  That means that the most racist hateful person on the planet has the right to yell to high heaven their horrible beliefs, I have the right to rebut them.  I have the right to join the discussion and give my point of view.  I have the right to say what I need to say, just as they do.  I also have the intelligence to understand that some fights cannot be won, and I can agree to disagree.

Our will, our desire is our own. I am not Wiccan. However I do believe in the rule of three, and I do believe what you send out comes back to you times three.  I believe that if you send out positive and if you do your own desire and harm none, you will receive that back to you.

Blessings

Sosanna

)O(

Merriam-Webster.com defines understanding as: “the power of comprehending; especially: the capacity to apprehend general relations of the particulars”

Earlier this week I participated in a discussion around a Yahoo! Article about Maria Kang.  For those that don’t know, Ms. Kang is a 32 year old mother of three in California who came under fire for a photo of herself in her work out gear with her three kids, all under the age of 3 and a six pack.  Not a six pack of beer, six pack abs.   In bold type over the photo was the phrase, “What’s Your Excuse?”

I watched as friends battled one another about thin shaming and fat shaming.  I watched as reasons like, medical disorders and money were tossed out as to why Ms. Kang was able to have this fit of a body, while other mothers were still hanging on to the body fat. 

With bullying, eating disorders and social media at an all-time high, I can completely understand why people are scared.  As a fat kid who was teased, not only by strangers but by my own family. I understand why people are so divided on this topic.  I say kid, but hell, I was standing at my grandmother’s hospital bed when one of my aunts completely bullied me about putting weight back on.  Not years ago, months.

I watched the battle rage on and in my truly helpful nature thought, “What can I do?”  How can I help these two sides understand?

What we as a society need to do is just learn one word.  That word is understanding.  We as pagans, we as women, we as fat kids, we as abuse survivors.  WE ALL, need to learn understanding.  Now, I’m not referring to understanding how or why someone else feels a certain way. 

As pagans, we do not have to understand why a non-pagan believes what they believe.  We as women, do not have to understand why men believe what they believe.  We as fat people, do not need to understand why thin people believe what they believe.  We just have to understand that they do. 

To be clear, you don’t need to understand why I hate sweating.  You don’t have to understand why I prefer to spend that extra hour a day in the craft room with hubby making a witch hat prototype instead of jogging, or going to gym.  You do NOT need to understand why.  You just have to understand that I do. 

Just as I understand that Christians choose to follow Christ, I hope that they will understand that I choose to follow Hecate.  I understand that Ms. Kang wants to be in shape, and she may even really want to help those that also want to get in shape do so.  I also understand that there are people who physically cannot, or who choose not to spend their time in the gym.  Just as I won’t judge the Christians, or Ms. Kang; I’m certainly not going to judge those who are not in that same body shape.

I believe we need to stop making assumptions about each other.  Stop looking for a way to twist a sentence or turn a quote around to make it mean something more than what it really means.  Learn to understand that we are all very very different people.  We are all very important in what we offer to this world.  We need to become more understanding. 

When I look out my window I see my feral cat colony, I see my hens pecking the ground.  I see my grape vines and my black walnut tree.  I don’t need to understand how each individual one goes on its daily life.  I don’t need to understand why the tree leans to the east and not to the west.  I don’t need to understand the intricacies of botany or animal husbandry.  I can gaze out my window and understand that each one of these things is precious.  From the snake to the fly.  From the weed to the fruit, each one of these things contributes to the ecosystem.

As a human being, I can look at others in the world and understand, that each one is special.  Each life force is individual.  I can understand, that in order for us to live up to what we see ourselves inside to be, comes from understanding that there is no one out there quite like us.  If we want to be understood, we need understanding.

Blessings

Sosanna

)O(

Helpful Links

Maria on Facebook

Maria on the Web

Protect Your Teen from Eating Disorders

No Name Calling

Stop Bullying

Teen Pagans & Bullying

Tess Muster – Plus Model

Public shaming has been around for centuries.  The Scarlet Letter is the fictional story by Nathaniel Hawthorne of Hester Prynne who conceives a child in an affair and is forced to wear a read “A” on her chest.  In this day and age however we certainly don’t have things like this happening right?  I mean with the music we have available now, the movies and TV shows we certainly shouldn’t have any need for a Scarlet Letter A.

Nearly every culture has some form of public humiliation for those that break the rules of society. Just four years ago a mom came under-fire for using public humiliation as a way to get her kids under control. 

However on the internet a new wave of Dog shaming has taken hold.  Here you can see images such as the following:

Though done with fun in mind this just shows that we are a culture of poking fun at others.  A Mesa Principal has taken this in a whole new direction.

In an Arizona High School has traded in its letter A for a new letter.  That letter is G.  Taking public shaming to its fullest extent the principal of Westwood High School decided that two of its mighty Warriors should be taken down a peg or two.  See these fine lads had been fighting and what’s the best way to tone down the aggressive behavior of his football players?   Give them a modern Scarlet Letter.

Principal Tim Richards gave his two fighting players two options.  One take a suspension or two, hold hands. 

CBS 5 - KPHO

One of the boys involved stated that he was embarrassed because people were asking him “are you gay?”  To further this crazy idea that this is a great idea the community of Westwood posted a sign that says “Westwood neighborhood supports Principal Richard”.

Source: CBS 5 News

So let me get this straight (no pun intended) the best way to correct or shame your athletes was to have them appear feminized and/or gay in public?  Why is that exactly?  Is that because being gay is a bad thing or something to be ashamed of?

Source: Facebook

First we have to look at the actual process of saying that two boys holding hands is a punishment and then further that they should be ashamed of this behavior.   This screams of bashing the LGBT community.  Here again we are used as punishment, in my opinion this is no different than when drill instructors in the military used the word “ladies” when referring to recruits or coaches using the same verbiage, because you know… Being a “lady” is a bad thing.  It’s less than. 

Here again we are perpetuating the acceptance of ridiculing our youth only this time the entire community is coming up and saying HEY, we support that! Really, Westwood, Really?  You support that?  You support telling high school kids that it’s ok to laugh at, point fingers at and humiliate your kids by calling them Gay?

I personally am appalled at this behavior.  We are standing on the precipice of the Supreme Court possibly taking on the constitutionality of denying LGBT citizens marriage and good ‘ol Mesa decides let get in a few jabs before the show.  What’s next dancing in Black-face?  How about maybe some good ol’fashion cross burnings?  Police there can already demand “Show me your papers!”

 Completely different from the viral video of just a little while ago when a Dad makes his son cry and then says "I'm a horrible Dad" because he son just wanted to be a single lady...





I’d love to have some dialog around this.  Is anyone as upset as I am?  Do you think this is a good thing? 

Thoughts?

 Namaste & Blessed Be

Sosanna

)O(