Showing posts with label child. Show all posts

The Pastor Who Preys

This article contains frank discussions regarding sexual abuse and rape.  Due to the direct manner in which this topic is approached, some may find the content triggering.  Please be mindful when sharing this content with others.




Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson





Brent Girouex, a Youth Pastor in Council Bluffs, Iowa pled guilty to sexual abuse in the third degree and two counts of sexual exploitation by a counselor or therapist.  The judge sentenced Mr. Girouex to 17 years in prison, but then suspended the sentence ordering the man to receive counseling and remain on probation for five year.  Mr. Girouex is required to be on the Iowa Sex Offender Registry.

Mr. Girouex claimed that he was helping boys as young as age 14 achieve sexual purity by having sex with them, while they prayed.  He said that when they ejaculated the impurity was leaving their bodies.  Mr. Girouex is accused of over 60 counts that involved several young boys in the teens.  One of the longest lasted for four years and Mr. Girouex stated, it was a consensual relationship.  The teen stated that they had had sexual contact over 100 times.

As I did my research for this post I found several ways of taking on this topic.  First, in the media this is being called the “Rape the Gay Away” case.  I could certainly take this on from a LGBT prospective.  We do not know if the boys that were assaulted in this case were actually gay.  They could have confessed some sort of interest and that is what opened the door for a predator to come in and abuse them.  But again, we don’t know that to be the case.

My next thought was because Mr. Girouex is male and his victims are male, most will assume that he is gay.  Let’s be very clear about this.  Mr. Giouex is a predator.   He had sex with boys as young as 14 years old.  He used his position as a Youth Pastor to get these boys into his home.  At which point he sexually abused them.  That is NOT the behavior of a gay person.  That is the behavior of a sexual predator.

As a survivor of child molestation by my step father for 10 year, I can say that these types of assaults are not only physically painful but also extremely damaging to the psyche.  There isn't a day that goes by that I’m not reminded of the actions of a vile man so many years ago.  My hubby and I were in a restaurant having a nice dinner and a song came on the overhead speakers that my step father used to sing.  In an instant I was that little girl again.  Scared and ashamed, haunted by nightmares the majority of my life.

I’m not sure why the judge in this case decided to suspend the sentence of Mr. Girouex.  By his wife, Erin Girouex’s own account, her husband should not be around children. This behavior led to the following open letter to Judge Steensland found on KETV NewsWatch 7’s Facebook page.

My heart cries for the victims.  Their trust destroyed.  The faith they had in a mentor or pastor betrayed.   The trust in the judicial system, lost.

My predator died many years ago.  He developed cancer and died, from my understanding, a slow painful death.  I was called to his deathbed.  He was heavily sedated and couldn't speak.  My mother pushed me up to the bed and said to me, “Forgive him, so he can die in peace.”  She walked out of the room and left me there alone for a while.  He gurgled a bit.  The man in my nightmares, the big man who scared me. He was here, lying in the bed weak and hollow.  The hands that once beat me into submission and touched my body in ways that a father never should, couldn't even move his bowels.  I walked out of the room and left the hospital.  I never forgave him. 

If he died in peace it was of his own making.  On my drive home I was called and told he died. Those old repeating nightmares ended that night. And the struggles of living as a survivor began.
For these young survivors their struggles are just beginning.  Each of them will need to deal with their monster in their own way.  Sometimes I don’t think about it at all, and other times it consumes me.
I believe that we should be protecting our children.  We need to be sure to show support for these teens and any others that might come forward on hearing this.  The real travesty here is that after sexually molesting these teens, repeatedly for years, the Pastor serves no time in prison.

I read on WebMD that a person does not choose to be attracted to children.  In the same way that a straight person does not choose to be attracted to the opposite sex.  While I agree that you do not choose to be straight or gay and it would stand to reason you would not choose to be a pedophile, I will have to stand by the assertion that acting upon that attraction is where the line is crossed. 

There is a petition set up on thepetitionsite.com to send a message to the judge in this case.  I welcome you to join me in signing it.

Namaste & Blessed Be
Sosanna
)O(


Loving Your Inner Child - Part 1

I want to start this post out with a trigger warning. I talk about abuse and how I dealt with it as a child and as now a grown up. For those that are triggered easily, I recommend avoiding this series. I'll put this warning up before each of these.

I didn't get to be a child. I was always, "The Oldest". My understanding is that I started off life living with my grandmother. My mother was running around a bit and really didn't have time for a child. I lived with my grandmother and my cousin Tony. We stayed in a little house built by my grandfather. He passed away well before Tony or I were born. I lived with my grandmother until about 5 or 6 years old. I then moved to live with my mother and my step-father. I had a younger sister there as well. He was her step-father too.

There are not too many things I remember about my childhood. Most are full of pain. My very very first memory is me in a classroom. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 years old. I think I was in Kindergarten because we had our names on our desk in the block writing tablets. The ones that teach you how to write your letters.




There was a little girl there, she sat next to me. At playtime we ran outside to play and she said, I have a secret. I said you do? What is it? She said, my daddy kisses me down there. I said, yours does? My does too!!! She looked me right in my eye and said NO you're lying! My daddy said I'm special I'm the only one. From that day forward I never told another soul until I ran away from home at 15 years old. To this day I think about that first day at school and I wonder how my life may have been different if a teacher had her us talking. Or if I had told another adult. I wonder if anyone would have saved me. Did I really deserve saving?


Photo Credit - Renee Olson


I think back about that little girl, not the one that told me I was lying, I think about the one in me. The one that was hurt and alone. She is still there. Small and sad. She didn't get toys to play with or hugs from someone just because. All the love was conditional and hurtful. So today, I give her things. I buy her toys from the little machines and I give her little things. Things that she can cup in her, things that make her smile. Sometimes the smallest gift can mean the most.



Here are some of her things.


Photo Credit - Renee Olson

Photo Credit - Renee Olson

Photo Credit - Renee Olson

Photo Credit - Renee Olson

She likes little things. And in a small way it helps. Today I put this little things in my office. I find a new one ever so often and add it to the collection. I read a story a while back about how fairies collect little things, buttons and shiny things and store them behind their fairy door, it reminds me of my collection.

Photo Credit - Renee Olson


I have good days, and I have bad days. Sometimes I get sad. But usually I am up and happy. I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderful friends and family of choice. Once strangers are now sisters and brothers. I have so much positive that I try to let the negative come in, sit a minute and then send it on its way. Because remember, I am a sum of my parts... all of them.  My negative and my positive make me who I am today. And I <3 ME.

For those out there that are struggling with demons in the past, or with childhood things, I highly recommend finding someone you can trust to talk to. Find someone you can share these things with. One of the best things you can do is buy a coloring book and a box of crayons. Set these as your special things, for those times when you just need to sit down and escape from the grown up world. It really helps.

For those that need someone to talk to, here are a few resources. I had family that thought "something was wrong" when I stopped tying my shoes and forgot my ABCs, but no action was taken. If you "think" something is wrong, ask questions. You might be saving a life.


Survivors of Incest Anonymous
RAINN
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
Recognizing and Preventing Child Abuse

Sending out positive energies to all.

Namaste and Blessed Be
Sosanna
)O(