Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts

A Witch's View - Seeing Myself

As I begin wrapping up this year I'm coming to terms with the way my year of mastery has changed. How I have grown and how I have changed. When I started out with this year my goal was to focus on what I wanted to do with my shop and my crafts both my material crafts and as it turns out my spiritual crafts as well.

This post is about my relationship with my dreadlocks and Hecate.

Two and a half years ago I started my dreadlocks.  Many days of confrontations and discussions about why I shouldn't have them and why I did have them later, I ended up with quite a healthy head full of them.  I created them because of several references to the goddess I follow and words used in her references ....and her hair was like snakes.  I wrote a blog about this and you can find it here.  You can also see a photo history of my dreadlock journey here.

The day before I cut my dreads - Photo Credit - Elijah Olson


Over the days prior to November 30th, I had many discussions with my hubby about taking them out. Finally on the 30th I decided to take them out.  Ironically enough on Hecate's Night.  Read more about the references to this date and Hecate here.  I have felt my belief structure changing and growing.  It now no longer sees the gods and goddesses as deities but more of an image, a personification of characteristics that we want to be or not be.  It was though I was outgrowing a belief and becoming more independently spiritual, if that makes sense.


We started by cutting about six-eight inches off them.

Cut Locks - Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson
 This is me with the locks trimmed.  The weight off my head made me feel like I had lost 10 pounds. They didn't weigh that much though.  Trust me I weighed myself to make sure.  For about 15 minutes I considered leaving them at this length.
Photo Credit - Elijah Olson

Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson
This is the back side.  I decided to just go ahead and start combing them out.  I read one part on the web that said, expect to lose some hair.  That is a gross understatement.  I lost A TON of hair.  Now remember that my locks were nearly 3 years old.  Your hair grows and falls out or gets caught in your hair brush over this time and you hardly notice it.  But if you had it all come out in the same day well you'd get a pile like below.

Next we spent hours and hours combing them out.  My head was so sore.  It took a lot of time, a lot of de-tangler and a lot of patience but we finally got them all combed out.

One of about 20 hair piles - Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson
This is a photo of them all combed out.  As you can see pretty fuzzy.  I needed to apply some conditioner to it and straight keratin to it to calm it down a bit.  Next I decided I wanted a bit of a wave to my hair so I made an appointment.  I spent the next day thinking about my relationship and what this would me to it, if anything.  I know that I am now leaning towards a more magical life and less in devotion to a goddess and more in line with taking control of my destiny and making things happen.


All combed out - Photo Credit - Renee Sosanna Olson
So here's the final photo.  The circle is complete.  I hope you have enjoyed this journey with them this year.  I cannot wait for the year to come.




Photo Credit - Elijah Olson



Dealing with Anger

So what do you do when someone betrays you?  What do you do with that feeling inside.  How does one become enlightened, or for that matter "happy" with themselves after dealing with a break up.  Be it a break up with a significant other or a break up with a family member.

At times I find myself at odds with protecting myself and with my religion.  As a solitary follower of Hecate, I don't have a great deal of dogma associated with my faith.  I don't have to forgive as instructed by the Christian Bible or even as Buddha suggested in the story about the man who spit in the face of another.

It is said that Hecate does not forgive easily and she holds a grudge.  As Goddess of the Witches, Hecate holds a special place for me, and is why I believe she chose me.  You see, I need someone to watch over me and protect me.  I need that extra dose of confidence.  I believe that's why she's here with me.

So how does this relate to my current situation?  Is it ok to sometimes not forgive?  Are there steps that can be taken that can make you hold a person accountable for their actions and NOT have that feeling of forgiveness in your heart?

We've all heard "forgive and forget".  Some people believe that forgiveness is an offshoot of love; and in order to love, you must forgive.  I be to differ.  How is it love to continue to allow others to berate you?  How is it love to allow others to abuse you?  You cannot love another until you can first love yourself.  Allowing others to hurt you is practicing self abuse.

So at what point is forgiveness in conflict with self-preservation?

I'm not sure I have the answer to that.  I do know that in my current situation and in my current state of mind, I feel attacked and the best way to prevent being attacked is to shield myself from those attacking.  Be it family, be it strangers.  Am I right?   I have no idea.  I can only hope that if I am wrong, I will learn a lesson just as valuable as the one I'd learn by being right.

Namaste & Blessed Be
Sosanna
)O(

Wow, it's Mid Summer Already

Well, it's been an interesting first part of the year. Looking back I can see so much as happened in such a short time.

I've been able to reconnect with old friends from decades ago. I've been able to see my daughter complete her Master's Degree and live independently. I've come to terms with the negativity in my birth family and tried to accept them as they are without expectations.

I've found Reiki and have started to work on cleaning my chakras. This has been extremely challenging for me. One of my biggest challenges is relaxing. I find it so hard to just stop and be. This is of course ongoing but I'm happy to say that now at least I can stop for 3-4 minutes and "be".

I've seen the end of a business that my hubby and I love dearly. I've watched as the economy has steadily declined and we've had to shut our doors. It's bittersweet because I know that we're doing the right thing, but its not something that we wanted to do.

As the second half of this year cycles through I've started several daily activities to help move it along. I wake up each morning and do yoga on my Wii as well as running a lap with the Wii Fit. I've started taking a lunch. Yes, that seems odd but for the past six years I've worked with my company I've not taken a lunch. I sit at my desk from 7:00 am - 5:00 pm and only get up for water and potty breaks. Now, I take an hour and a half to have food, and sit in the sun. I know in the winter this won't be possible, but for now, I'm enjoying going out side and listening to the wind and feeling the sun beat down on my skin. I even have a little enclosed area, that's only open from the top so only the sun shines in for me.

I know that something positive will show itself to me soon. I know that if we keep plugging away a wonderful job will present itself to hubby and we will go where the job is. Be it here in NC or across the country. That's what we do. We survive.



Namaste & Blessed Be

Sosanna
)O(