Starting this entry off with a trigger warning. For those triggered by discussions of incest, rape or abuse, please take care when reading this entry.
By Willow Arlenea
One of the most important things you can do for your inner child is to protect it. That child spent so much time being ignored and hurt but most of all not protected by the adults in it's life.
To protect my inner child I do the the following:
I listen to her. - Being heard is usually a big deal for survivors. That little voice inside grows very weak over years of no one listening. Take a moment and listen to what that child has to say.
I say nice things to her. - In my situation daily attacks and humiliation were the norm. I was cussed out, called names, names a child can't understand. Those words leave scars and bruises that the eyes cannot see. For years and years I was told "You're Fat" "You're Stupid" "You're Ugly". Those words were repeated so often I believed them and became them. A way to help fix that is to be nice to yourself. Yes, those crazy doctors are right. Look in the mirror. Say, I love you. Say, You're special. Say, You're important. I like to leave sticky notes around my house that say positive things. That way, I can let her know she's special.
I Defend her. In my situation I'm still in contact with my abuser. Two have died. One is still alive. When I first moved back here I took on the role of the "Oldest". I started taking care of things and rushed in to do my duty. I promptly started back my old self defeating actions and in less than 2 years put on a 100 lbs. I was negative and hurt every single day. Each day I take a bit of that power back and defend her. I don't let others push her around or make her do something out of sense of obligation. I am important and I matter. No one is going to hurt her; not any more.
I love her. In taking back my life and in caring about me, one of the most important things is to love yourself. There are enough people out there in the world that are going to run you down or call you names. Don't be one of those people. It's called negative self talk. I'm guilty of saying, "Oh I'm so stupid" or if I drop something my brain yells "Klutz!". If a stranger dropped a glass, would you call him/her a name? Probably not. But yet those words ring out inside the head and hurt just as much as if someone else said them. Sometimes it's hard to stop those "voices". Sometimes you have to actually yell back, "SHUT UP".
And remember, for those little ones out there. Sometimes you may think that running away is the answer. I thought it was. I ran away from a very bad situation with no resources. It led me into a much worse situation. I thought I knew everything. I was big and bad at fifteen. But I really wasn't. I ended up in a home with the man that is "supposed" to be my biological father. However I've started to uncover information that he may actually be my second cousin instead. Good for me because he ended up saying to me "You'll do that for Him, but not for me?" (referring to my step-father) So you see, I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. My abuse continued for many many years afterwards, even into my first marriage. You can't run from this. You have to face it. I'm not suggesting you face it alone.
Get help! If you can find someone you trust, a teacher, a parent, a neighbor any one... Find someone to protect you. Because life as a runaway is not a happy life.
I'm going to close this with a message to all my blog followers who have left messages, comments and sent me emails of support. Thank you so very much. Your words have been amazing in this time of discovery and rediscovery for me. I appreciate each and every word that's been shared. The positive energy made it here and I am grateful for your thoughts.
Namaste & Blessed Be
Survivors of Incest Anon
Male Survivors of Incest and Abuse
YouTube Video Series Healing our Inner Child - Video 1
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